May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
