Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
