question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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