our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
