i jhust puked up my retainher.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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