can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
