i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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