If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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