All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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