friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize