I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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