Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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