I got chris browned last night
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
