try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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