I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
