We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
