eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
