This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
