You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
