He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
