Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I would ride that face into the sunset
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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