Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
