I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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