someone threw a dead crab at me
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
