We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
