Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
