you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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