Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
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