I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
