I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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