I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
what day is it and did you see me today?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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