If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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