The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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