is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
