Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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