Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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