Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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