she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
