I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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