just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
