i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
