What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
so much tequila, so little girl.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
