So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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