I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
