Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
