My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
