Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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