It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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