The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
