After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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