He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
