walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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