thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
