is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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