dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
