Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
