Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
