I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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