How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
